my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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