The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
