If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
