whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
