I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
