My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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