break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
