By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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