Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
