now i know why i became what i already was.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
