I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
