the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
