you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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