I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
