Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
