I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
