barbara walters just said penis...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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