today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
