good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
