I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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