I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
