this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
