Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
