Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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