Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Alive.
So much puke
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
