He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
