eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
