why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
