are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
