as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
