Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
