it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize