is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
