Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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