I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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