I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
