Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
