Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize