All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
