I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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