If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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