shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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