I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
