she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
