Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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