it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
