dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
