After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i think i just lost a toe
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
