I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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