dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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