his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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