rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
vagina is talking i cant
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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