I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
