I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
