I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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