I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
