then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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