Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
