is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
