Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
