in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
