O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
