Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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