That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
