your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
