like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
birth control should be required to get into college
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
