turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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