xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
