I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
