I wish I only lived at night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is Oprah even human
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
